There are few roles in life as sacred as that of a father. A father is a protector, a provider, a man who carries the weight of his family’s well-being on his shoulders. That responsibility is built into the very fabric of manhood—deeply ingrained, both biologically and spiritually.
For Yarden Bibas, that sacred role was shattered in the most brutal way imaginable. On October 7, Hamas terrorists stormed into his home, abducting his wife, Shiri, and their two young sons, Ariel and Kfir. In his final moments with them, Yarden had a choice—to fight or to surrender. Shiri told him to fight. He fought. But despite his courage, he was overpowered, taken hostage, and later released—only to learn that his wife and children had been murdered in captivity.
At their funeral, standing before the graves of the people he loved most, Yarden spoke words no father should ever have to say:
“Ariel, I hope you’re not angry with me for failing to protect you properly.”
It is hard to comprehend the weight of those words. The grief of losing a child is already an unbearable pain, but to feel that you failed to protect them—that is a wound that cuts even deeper.
This is a father’s worst nightmare, and for men who understand the burden of responsibility, it is a tragedy that shakes us to our core. A man can endure a great deal of suffering, but the one thing he cannot bear is failing the people he was meant to protect.
The Weight of Responsibility
Every man, whether he realizes it or not, carries this instinct to protect. It’s what drives fathers to work long hours, to sacrifice their own comforts, to stand guard in the middle of the night when they hear an unfamiliar sound in the house. It’s what makes a man step in front of danger without a second thought if his family is at risk.
But what happens when that duty is taken away? What happens when a father does everything he can—when he fights, when he resists—and still, the unthinkable happens?
The truth is, there are times when the world is cruel, when evil wins a battle, and when no amount of strength or courage is enough to stop the horror from unfolding. And yet, men like Yarden are left with a guilt that they should never have to carry.
He fought. He tried. And still, he will wake up every day with the unbearable ache of what if?
The Unbreakable Bond Between Father and Child
Even in the depths of his grief, Yarden spoke about his boys not as lost souls, but as children who still live on in his heart.
“I hope you’re making all the angels laugh with your silly jokes and impressions. I hope there are plenty of butterflies for you to watch, just like you did during our picnics.”
There’s something deeply powerful in the way he speaks to Ariel and Kfir, as if they are still listening. Because for a father, his children are never truly gone.
That bond is eternal. It’s why fathers still hear their children’s laughter long after they’ve grown. It’s why a man will still instinctively reach for his son’s hand, even when that child is no longer a boy, but a man himself. It’s why, even in the darkest moments, Yarden still calls out to them, because in his heart, they are still with him.
What It Means to Be a Protector
At Becoming a Man, we talk about responsibility, leadership, and the role of men as protectors. Yarden’s story forces us to confront the painful reality that sometimes, despite our greatest efforts, we cannot always protect the people we love.
So what do we do with that truth?
We do what Yarden is doing—we keep fighting. We stand strong. We hold our loved ones close. We never stop being protectors, even when the world tells us we’ve failed.
Because manhood is not just about physical strength or standing guard—it’s about love, about sacrifice, about carrying the weight of responsibility even when it feels unbearable.
Yarden Bibas fought for his family. And now, he fights to keep their memory alive. That is the heart of a father. That is the heart of a man.
In today’s political landscape, figures like Tim Walz’s vice-presidential candidacy and Doug Emhoff, Kamala Harris’ husband and the nation’s Second Gentleman, are being praised as modern examples of masculinity. But if you take a closer look, you’ll see that these men often reflect the same characteristics seen in the men of 90s sitcoms—amiable, supportive, yet lacking the strength, decisiveness, and leadership that define true manhood. This trend didn’t start today; it’s a continuation of how the media has conditioned us to view men in a certain light. Let’s explore how this conditioning has shaped our understanding of masculinity and why it falls short of what real manhood should represent.
The 90s Sitcom Male: The Goofy, Fake Authority Figure
In many sitcoms of the 90s, male characters were often portrayed as bumbling idiots—men who pretended to have authority but quickly crumbled when the real decision-maker, usually a woman, stepped in. These characters often embodied a fake sense of authority, masking their incompetence with bravado, only to reveal their true lack of capability when faced with real challenges. They were often the source of comic relief, but their portrayal as goofs with no real leadership qualities sent a damaging message about manhood.
This depiction wasn’t just about getting laughs; it conditioned viewers to see men as unreliable leaders, incapable of handling the pressures of family and life without falling apart. When the real boss entered the scene, these men shrank into the background, reinforcing the idea that they were neither needed nor capable of making important decisions. This portrayal undermined the concept of men as strong, responsible figures who could be relied upon to guide their families through tough times.
The Damage Done: Undermining True Masculinity
The damage from these portrayals is deeper than we might think. Young men growing up watching these shows were exposed to a version of masculinity that was both comical and pitiful—men who were meant to lead but were constantly undermined by their own ineptitude. This created a false narrative that being a man meant either being a joke or stepping aside for someone more capable to take charge.
However, true manhood involves more than just pretending to be in control. It’s about real leadership—embracing responsibility and understanding that the success or failure of the family often rides on the man’s shoulders, regardless of whether he is making every decision. While it’s important to recognize that not all decisions should be made by the man, and that a healthy partnership is built on mutual respect and shared responsibilities, it’s also crucial to understand the unique role that men play in the success of their families.
Partnership and Responsibility: The Balance of True Masculinity
Support and partnership are key components of a healthy relationship, but it’s essential that these elements are grounded in a clear understanding of roles and responsibilities. In a strong partnership, the man doesn’t always have to be the one making decisions, but he must be a reliable and capable leader when it counts. The idea that men should simply step back and let others take charge diminishes their role and ultimately weakens the foundation of the family.
A true partnership understands that both parties bring unique strengths to the table, and while the man may not make every decision, his presence as a strong, dependable figure is vital. The success or failure of a family often depends on the man’s ability to lead with integrity, strength, and compassion. When men are reduced to the role of the goofy, ineffective partner, the entire dynamic suffers, and the real responsibilities that come with manhood are undermined.
Reclaiming Masculinity: Moving Beyond the Stereotypes
As we reflect on how media has shaped our understanding of masculinity, it’s clear that it’s time to move beyond these outdated stereotypes. True manhood isn’t about pretending to be in charge or playing the fool; it’s about embracing the responsibilities that come with being a man. This includes being a supportive partner, but also stepping up when leadership is required and understanding that your role in the family’s success is crucial.
We need to challenge the narratives that have conditioned us to accept a watered-down version of masculinity and instead strive to embody the full spectrum of masculine virtues. This means embracing courage, integrity, and leadership, while also being emotionally balanced and supportive.
Let’s look for role models who demonstrate these virtues, whether in our personal lives or in the media we consume, and strive to be the best versions of ourselves. The next generation deserves better than the weak, go-along masculinity of sitcoms and the public figures who follow in their footsteps.
Challenge:
I challenge you to reconsider the media you consume and the male role models you look up to. Are these figures inspiring you to be strong, responsible, and decisive, or are they reinforcing a limited and passive view of manhood? It’s time to take control of your narrative and redefine what it means to be a man in today’s world. Don’t let the conditioning of the past dictate your future. Instead, embrace the qualities that make for true manhood and show the world what it really means to be a man.
Have you ever noticed how kids today seem to have zero patience? It’s like they can’t wait for anything anymore! The other day, some friends and I were talking about this, and we all agreed it’s a real issue. We blamed it on all the instant gratification from smartphones, tablets, and all the other tech gadgets they’re glued to. Remember when we were kids and had to wait for our favorite show to come on TV once a week? Now, kids can just stream whatever they want whenever they want. It’s not just the devices, though. Our whole culture is all about getting things fast, and honestly, as parents, we sometimes struggle with patience too, which doesn’t help.
Let me tell you a story about my buddy’s son, Jack. Jack loves puzzles, but he used to get so frustrated if he couldn’t find the right piece right away. His mom decided to teach him about patience through a simple story. She told him about a farmer who planted a seed and watered it every day, even though it took a long time to grow. Jack started to understand that just like the seed, solving a puzzle takes time. Over the months, Jack learned to stick with it, finding the right pieces and feeling proud of his progress. This story really helped him see the value in waiting and working towards a goal, and now he’s much more patient.
We’ve got such a short window where our kids look up to us and listen to what we say (and do). If we don’t show them what patience looks like, who will? Kids pick up on everything. If they see us losing our cool or rushing through things, they’ll do the same. But if we can model patience in our daily lives, they’re more likely to follow suit. It’s on us to show them how to handle frustration calmly and how to wait for things without throwing a tantrum.
Think about how much patience has helped you in life. Whether it’s waiting for a promotion at work, sticking with a tough project, or dealing with people who test your nerves, patience is key. Kids who learn to be patient now will have a huge advantage as adults. They’ll be better at handling challenges, working towards long-term goals, and maintaining healthy relationships. In a world that’s getting faster and more impatient, this will set them apart in a big way.
We live in a world where everything is getting faster. From fast food to instant downloads, our culture is all about speed. This makes it harder for kids to learn the value of waiting and working for something over time. But if we can teach them patience, we’re giving them a tool that will help them in so many areas of life. It’s counter-cultural, but it’s so important.
Patience and integrity go hand in hand. Imagine a teenager named Sarah who’s tempted to cheat on a test to get quick results. But because her parents have always emphasized patience and hard work, she decides to study instead. She knows that true success comes from integrity, not shortcuts. Patience gives her the strength to do what’s right, even when it’s tough. It’s a lesson that will serve her well throughout her life.
We all want our kids to grow up to be good, honest people. Integrity is a big part of that, and patience is a foundational piece of integrity. When kids learn to be patient, they’re more likely to make ethical decisions and act with honesty. They understand that worthwhile achievements take time and effort, and they’re less likely to take dishonest shortcuts.
Picture this: a boy named Tommy who can’t wait his turn during games and ends up pushing others aside to go first. This leads to conflicts with his friends and he feels isolated. Or think about a girl named Emma who gives up on her homework if she doesn’t understand it right away. Her grades drop, and she misses out on learning important things. These examples show how a lack of patience can cause real problems for kids.
So, how do we teach patience? First, we need to model it ourselves. Show your kids how to wait calmly and handle frustration gracefully. Encourage activities that require waiting, like baking cookies or planting a garden. Show them that good things take time. Explain why patience is important and set rules for waiting and taking turns. Praise your kids when they show patience—positive reinforcement can really help. And help them develop strategies for dealing with frustration, like taking deep breaths or finding a quiet activity to do while they wait.
Teaching patience isn’t easy. It’s a journey that takes time and effort. Remember the saying, “Don’t pray for patience, or God will give you opportunities to be patient.” This funny but true advice reminds us that developing patience often comes through facing challenges. Embrace these opportunities to teach your kids patience. Celebrate their small victories and stay committed. The reward of raising patient and well-adjusted kids is worth all the effort.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m not living up to the standards I know I should. I’m not in a bad place, but I’m far from where I want to be. My temper, stress, and other factors have been holding me back. I keep telling myself that I’m managing, but deep down, I know I shouldn’t be content with just getting by. I need to make changes internally to become a better father, husband, brother, and man.
Struggling to Meet My Own Standards
There’s a constant weight I carry, knowing I’m not quite where I want to be. I’m functioning, but I know I have the potential to be better. This awareness can be both a blessing and a burden. It shows I’m not complacent and that I have aspirations, but it also fuels frustration and self-doubt.
Admitting that I’m falling short isn’t easy. Sometimes, it feels like I’m stuck in a cycle of knowing what I need to do but struggling to actually do it. I’m often overwhelmed, feeling like I’m juggling too much and constantly worried about dropping the ball. The pressure can be intense, and it’s hard to see a clear path forward.
The Role of Faith in My Journey
My faith is something I lean on heavily, but even that feels shaky sometimes. I pray and meditate on God’s word, seeking guidance and strength. But there are days when my prayers feel empty, and I wonder if God is listening. Verses like Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” and Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope,” are comforting, yet I struggle to feel their truth in my daily life.
I wish God would just fix me, but I know that’s not how it works. It’s up to me to put in the daily, hourly, even minute-by-minute effort to become the man I want to be. The battle is constant, and it’s exhausting.
The Daily Battle
Living up to my own standards is a daily struggle. It’s not just about the big moments of failure or success but the countless small decisions I make every day. I find myself more susceptible to temptation when I’m not in a good place mentally or spiritually. Stress, anger, and laziness creep in, making it harder to stay on track. Integrity feels like a constant test, and I often feel like I’m failing.
I wonder how many other men feel like me—knowing what they should be doing but falling short. It’s a battle against complacency, and it’s one that many of us face. We want to grow, to be strong, but it’s hard. It’s a struggle every minute of every day.
I know I need to be better. I need to manage my stress, control my temper, and act with integrity. But knowing and doing are two very different things. The gap between my aspirations and my actions often feels insurmountable.
Vulnerability and the Journey Ahead
I’m not looking for easy answers because I know they don’t exist. What I need, and what I think many men need, is the strength to keep fighting. To not give in to the easier path of complacency. To acknowledge our shortcomings without letting them define us.
It’s a journey that requires constant effort and a willingness to be vulnerable. Admitting that I’m not where I want to be is the first step, but it’s just that—a step. The path ahead is long, and I know it will be filled with challenges.
But I’m committed to this journey. I want to be a better man, not just for myself but for my family and those around me. I want to look back and see growth, even if it’s slow and painful. I want to break the cycle of falling short and finally live up to the standards I’ve set for myself.
I know I’m not alone in this struggle. There are many of us who are fighting the same battles, dealing with the same frustrations. We need to support each other, share our struggles, and remind ourselves that we’re not in this alone.
The journey is tough, but it’s one worth taking. Together, we can strive to be better, even when it feels impossible. It’s about making the daily choice to fight for the man we want to be, even when every part of us wants to give up.
I want to share something that has deeply impacted me and I believe it has the potential to do the same for you. It’s a sermon by Dr. Tony Evans, titled “The Call to Biblical Manhood.” This isn’t just another message; it’s a profound call to action for all of us men striving to live out our faith.
In our journey through life, it’s too common for us as men to lose sight of our true purpose, the higher calling that God has placed upon us. We often get caught up in the daily grind, forgetting the larger picture that’s painted for us in the scriptures. Dr. Tony Evans’ sermon is a powerful reminder of this bigger picture. He delves into the essence of what it means to be a man under God’s rule. It’s not just about fulfilling societal roles or following cultural norms. It’s about understanding and stepping into the divine purpose that God has uniquely crafted for each of us. Just as God chose Abraham for a special purpose, He has chosen each one of us to play a significant role in His grand design.
This message is a wake-up call to all of us. It’s an invitation to look beyond our immediate surroundings and to see the greater plan that God has for our lives. Dr. Evans eloquently unfolds the essence of true manhood as defined by biblical standards, and it’s an eye-opener.I encourage you to take some time to listen to this sermon. Reflect on its message and consider how it applies to your life. As we strive to grow in our faith and as men of God, let’s support each other in this journey. This sermon could be the catalyst for a profound transformation in your life, just as it was in mine.
Let’s embrace our calling with courage and conviction, fellows. Remember, we’re not just living for today; we’re building a legacy for tomorrow under God’s guidance.
Stay strong and stay blessed!
Dr. Tony Evans is a renowned Christian pastor, speaker, and author, widely recognized for his impactful teachings and powerful sermons. As the senior pastor of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship in Dallas, Texas, he has nurtured a vibrant community through his dynamic and insightful interpretation of the Scriptures. Dr. Evans is also the founder and president of The Urban Alternative, a national ministry dedicated to restoring hope and transforming lives through the proclamation and application of the Word of God. His unique ability to connect deep spiritual truths with practical real-world application has made him a respected and influential figure in the Christian community. His extensive work includes numerous books, broadcasts, and a strong presence in both religious and secular media, emphasizing a life led by faith and rooted in biblical principles.
Inspired by “How to be a Man” by Dax feat. Darius Rucker
I find myself living in a world that’s teetering on the edge. There’s chaos in every headline—economic downturns, global unrest, and wars brewing on the horizon. But that external noise often drowns out the personal chaos many of us are wrestling with inside our own four walls. I feel this deeply. My role as the sole provider has never been more daunting, particularly as my wife has taken on the full-time job of raising our children. It’s a role I’m grateful she can fill, but it does add to the weight I’m carrying. And like many of you know, my mom’s been fighting cancer. I wouldn’t be anywhere else but here to support her, but the emotional and spiritual toll is real.
You know that feeling when you’re screaming inside but can’t let it out? Like you’re afraid to add your troubles to someone else’s plate? So you internalize it. That weight becomes a silent scream, heavy enough to crush your spirit but silent enough to go unnoticed.
This is when I lean on God. For me, God isn’t a far-off concept; He’s a real, tangible source of strength. When I’m grappling with the fear and uncertainty that life throws my way, my faith provides solace. It’s not just about knowing God is there; it’s about feeling His presence, especially in those moments when everything else feels unstable.
But let’s make something clear: faith isn’t a solitary journey. I believe in the power of community, of brotherhood. While it’s true we men often feel we have to go it alone, the truth is, we’re stronger together. We have to share our struggles, lend a shoulder, and sometimes even be the shoulder to lean on. It’s not just for our benefit, but for our children, too. I want my sons to grow up understanding that their dad could weather the storm because he wasn’t too proud to seek help, both divine and earthly.
I want them to see that their dad relied on a strong community and an even stronger God to get through the trials life invariably throws our way. The road might be rocky, but if we keep our feet steady and our hearts open, we can navigate through anything. We don’t have to be islands, silently suffering while life’s storms rage around us. We can be anchors for each other, rooted in faith and fortified by brotherhood.
Danny Eley is a passionate author, humanitarian, and family man who lives in Orange County, California. He is married to his beautiful wife Nimi Adokiye, and together they have two sons: Daniel and Titus. As the President and Founder of ATAP Family Services, a non-profit 501c3 organization, Danny works tirelessly to alleviate poverty for youth, families, and seniors living in low-income housing. With over 20 years of experience in youth development, Danny has dedicated his life to serving others and making a positive impact in the world.
In addition to his humanitarian work, Danny is also deeply involved in his community and his faith. He has spent many years serving in youth ministry and college ministry and has traveled extensively through mission and humanitarian projects to make a difference in the lives of others. When he's not busy changing the world, Danny loves spending time with his family, playing video games with his brothers, making TikTok videos with his wife, and sharing story time with his children. He also enjoys outdoor activities like hiking, basketball, and swimming.
Originally from Springfield, Oregon, Danny has always known that he has a great purpose in life. He is committed to using his talents and abilities to entertain, educate, and inspire others, and to make a lasting impact in the world. With his hard-working spirit, his love for people, and his unwavering commitment to his faith, Danny is a true force for good and a shining example of what it means to live a life of purpose and service.
In 2017 he created 'Becoming a Man', because he saw that many men were losing touch with their strength and courage. His goal is to help men rediscover this while also learning to adapt to today's world. He wants to show that facing problems with honesty and respect is an important part of being a man. 'Becoming a Man' is not just a tool for learning; it's also a group of people supporting each other. Everyone is on a journey to become better and discover who they really are.
